


Sinful Salvation

by little Alex (litalex)



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-04-28
Updated: 2000-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:21:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litalex/pseuds/little%20Alex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just exactly how devout a Puritan is Penn?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sinful Salvation

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: They aren't mine. Rather, they belong to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, WB, 20th Century Fox, various companies and people I can't remember at this moment. Lucky bastards.
> 
> Spoilers: Anything and everything up to "Somnambulist," season one
> 
> Feedback: Oh, sure, if you insist. ;-)
> 
> Personal Notes: If this is in any way historically accurate, it's Criss' fault. All remaining mistakes are mine.

It was a bright morning, a beautiful morning even, but Penn was praying again. It was his sixteenth birthday, but, same with all his birthdays before, it was a day like any other. One began the day with a prayer and ended it with another.

He had to, or he would go to Hell, at least according to the pastor of their local church. It did not matter that he was the most pious or the best-behaved boy. Assurance was the quickest way to damnation. So, he had to pray and repent his sins each morning and then each night, or, better yet, thrice a day. He did not mind. No, praying to God was comforting. He could tell God all the little matters of life because the Lord cared about Penn. God would not make him feel small and useless like his father would.

He knew that his father, as the mayor of the town, had many duties and obligations, and that the older man could not be bothered by the insignificant details of Penn's life. But he suspected there was more to his father's constant disapproval at Penn. The mayor seemed to know something about Penn that Penn himself never knew. And for that piece of knowledge, the older man kept berating his son ever since Penn was born.

He could not care about that now, however, for he had to prepare himself for lessons. Just after he picked up his schoolbag, however, his mother walked in and smiled at Penn. Slipping inside her embrace, he had the jarring realization that he was already taller than she was. He shook his head slightly and clung tighter to his mother. His father would scold him for his adherence to childishness if the older man knew, but the busy man did not have to know. "Good morning, mother." He pecked her soft, rosy cheek.

The beautiful blonde gently pushed him away and bestowed a returning kiss on his own cheek. "Good morning, my darling." She grasped his hand and pressed a silver necklace with a small crucifix, made with the same material, into his hand. "Your birthing day gift. But this will be your last. As your father had said, you're a grown boy now."

He smiled, thanking her silently, and let her put the necklace on him. After a quick squeeze on her hand, he left the room with her and went downstairs. His coat quietly put on, he opened the door and walked to the local school. He hated Latin and Greek, but the oldest son of a prominent family had no choice but to excel in school. And he did excel. Every year, he was the best in all his classes and his teacher Mr. Johnson seemed quite fond of him. His father never gave him praise for his academic achievements because Penn was supposed to do well. Here at the school, however, Mr. Johnson, a young man who was originally from Sussex, and his classmates treated him well enough.

Finally, he arrived at the school. He went in, sat down, and focused his attentions on his lessons. The day passed quickly and, soon, the classes were over.

He was just about to walk out of the empty classroom when Mr. Johnson called his name. "Penn, would you come over here, please?"

Penn walked obediently over. He was not afraid, for his teacher had never even scolded him. "Yes, Mr. Johnson?"

"Today is your birthday, true?" The handsome young man had a peculiar smile that Penn could not understand.

"Yes, sir." Penn's young heart pounded with anticipation. He never thought that anyone outside of his family would care.

His smile still on his mouth, Mr. Johnson stood, walked away from his chair, and sat on the desk instead. In these positions, they were at eye level. "Good, because I have a birthday present for you."

"Oh, sir! Thank you!" A grin bloomed on Penn's face.

Mr. Johnson squeezed Penn's shoulder gently and rummaged in his bag that was on the desk, right next to where he was sitting. Mr. Johnson fished out a worn-out, leather-bound book and handed it to Penn. "Here you go. It's what my own teacher gave me when I graduated from school. He said that I should give it to my most promising student when I start teaching. And you most certainly are my best student. Your birthday is so close to graduation that I thought I should give it to you early."

His cheeks slightly red, Penn accepted the book with another utterance of gratitude, though this time a bit calmer. He sat down in one of the chairs and opened the book immediately. It was a Greek version of the New Testament, handwritten notes filling all the empty corners of the pages. Penn did have a copy of the Bible to call his own, but it was in English and given him so reluctantly that he had wondered why his father even bothered.

"I'm glad you like it," Mr. Johnson's soft baritone whispered in his ear and Penn, completely startled, turned sharply around.

Mr. Johnson waved at Penn until Penn obediently stood and stepped in front of Mr. Johnson. The teacher stroked a strand of Penn's hair back into place and clasped Penn into a tight embrace. Uncertainty heavy in his heart, Penn hugged back slowly. A peculiar hardness pressed against his abdomen and he had to stop himself from struggling away. Penn felt a certain pressure on his head and looked up. Mr. Johnson's eyes were closed, the man's face startlingly close.

His heart pounding again, Penn touched his mouth to his teacher's and Mr. Johnson immediately kissed back. Understanding slammed through Penn and he would be staggering under the weight if not for Mr. Johnson's hold on him. This was why; this was *exactly* why his father hated him so much.

Then Mr. Johnson abruptly shoved Penn away, his whole body trembling. Penn took a step closer and his teacher backed away again. Penn blinked several times. "What's wrong?"

Mr. Johnson shook his head violently and threw his belongings back into his bag with uncharacteristic roughness. "No. What you did, Penn, is a sin. You, you can't do such a thing. It's an *abomination*. Don't you understand?"

His eyes blazing, Penn bit the insides of his lips and, accusation coloring the voice, said loudly and clearly, "You started it."

Mr. Johnson's face paled. "No, I didn't! You can't lie like that! I'll, I'll lose my--"

Penn narrowed his eyes, a cruel smile gracing his pretty mouth. "Don't worry. I'm too old for them to believe that it's entirely your fault. Your job is completely safe." He picked up his book-bag, threw his new gift in, and slung it across his shoulders. Whistling some childhood ditty, he strolled out of the school.

Once he was out of Mr. Johnson's range of sight, however, he ran his way back home. When he arrived, he locked himself inside his room. He fell on his bed and curled around the blankets.

Oh, how could he be so foolish! What he should have done was beg Mr. Johnson's forgiveness and then find his way back to the righteous path. Now he would be forever damned. No, no, no! There was still the pastor; he could tell the pastor. How could he tell, though, without disclosing the day's events? Mr. Johnson had been kind to Penn; he never intended to hurt the man. Oh, damn him and his adolescent anger! Damn it all to Hell!

He sobbed himself to sleep that night.

The next morning, and the days after that, he still went dutifully to school, but never did his school and homework again. His presence was ignored by Mr. Johnson and his classmates, consequently, ignored him as well. Fortunately, it was only weeks from graduation and the days passed swiftly. On graduation day, he discovered that he received a second-best despite the little incident on his birthday and his lack of participation in school the last few weeks.

He was grateful for his teacher's sense of fairness and thanked Mr. Johnson properly, also adding an extremely vague apology. Mr. Johnson accepted the apology and the gratitude graciously and, after a second of hesitation, patted Penn's shoulder. Penn knew then that the best thing to do was to pretend the events on his birthday never happened.

That night at dinner, his father had berated him, ignoring all his past achievements, and his mother tried talking his father out of it. No, not talking, *begging* the older man to be less harsh with Penn. His father, however, had only slammed down his plate and declared that he did not need a woman telling him how to teach his son. That was the end of his mother ever trying to protect him again.

*****

The Bible was the Word of God. And Penn was getting quite tired of those words. All through his twenty years of life, he had always imagined Jesus Christ to be a very human creature. A young man about his own age, perhaps, beardless and handsome; someone who would talk to him and, with a smile, bring him away from the town and all its strict rules, who would listen when Penn was unhappy and then chase all his troubles away by a kiss on the eyebrow. He once saw a young man kissing another like that at college and he longed for their brotherly closeness and affection.

Then his oldest sister's soft but clear voice jolted him out of his musings. "Penn, would you do me a favor? Would you please go fetch some sugar from Mrs. Johnson?" Penn's teacher had married and moved next to Penn's family not long after Penn graduated from the school. They borrowed minor household objects from each other regularly by now.

"Of course." He sighed and stood. After his mother fell ill, his sister had taken over all the family chores. She was usually the one to go over, but tonight was a bit cold for the frailer girl; and Penn had nothing much to do while on Christmas break from college anyway. He put on his coat and went out of the house, the winds immediately chilling his limbs. Shivering a little, he closed the door quickly and walked the short distance to the house next door. The stabbing winds numbed the tip of his nose, but, unfortunately, not his sense of smell. Sharp scents of urine, waste, and other various pieces of trash hit his nostrils unerringly and he winced. And this was the good part of town. He could only imagine how the poorer people were living.

His hand raised, he was about to knock when strong arms grabbed him from behind. He tried to scream, but a large, cold hand covered his mouth. Even if he muffled cries could slip through the long fingers, the winds would have drowned out the sounds. He knew then that no one could help him now; he would have to manage himself out of the situation alone. The man-shaped creature, for nothing this strong could be human, easily slung him across a shoulder and ran. Penn was dizzy from the quick movements of the ground. His head still spinning, he realized that the ground could not move. *He* was the one moving so fast that he felt like vomiting.

Just when he was sure that he could not take the dizziness anymore, the creature threw him down onto a straw mattress. Eyes still unfocused, he looked up and saw the blurry image of a man. He blinked a few times and the image cleared into a young man about his own age. Dressed in the finery of an English nobleman, the pale stranger was tall and handsome, like the princes in fairy-tales. Penn frowned and croaked, "Who are you?"

Smiling, the stranger sat down next to him and touched his forehead. "My name is Angelus. Yours?"

Penn scrambled away from the man, but Angelus only laughed. Angelus. What type of name was that? "Why should I tell you?" Penn narrowed his eyes and glanced around. The place was large and empty, full of dust and grime. His heart sank; the house probably was deserted and had been for years.

Ignoring the question, Angelus merely slipped an arm around Penn shoulders and Penn shuddered at the coldness of the arm. He turned toward the strange man again. "Who--?" He was unable to finish his words since Angelus kissed Penn on his lips. Shocked and dismayed, Penn pushed on the broad shoulders, struggling wildly. But all his efforts were to no avail; the other man was simply too strong. Angelus thrust his tongue inside Penn's mouth and Penn bit down on it.

His hand on his mouth, Angelus pushed Penn away with a growl. Penn rolled off the heap of straw and tried to crawl away, but Angelus pounced onto him from behind and pinned him down onto the ground. His breath forced out of him, Penn lay on the ground, gasping lightly. Angelus rose a little and Penn crawled out from under him. He sat up and leaned against the wall. They looked at each other for moments and Angelus smiled again. "But I know already. Your name is Penn, no?"

Blinking rapidly, Penn felt his jaw dropped and snapped it shut again. "How in the world did you know?"

Suddenly sitting right next to Penn, Angelus whispered in Penn's right ear, "I've been watching you for so long now. Do you have any idea how pretty you are?"

Penn tried to move away again, but discovered with surprise that Angelus was now straddling his hips. How did the man move so fast? A small voice in his head told him that Angelus must be a creature of the Devil, but he strangled the voice with his well-ingrained rationalism. No, there were no more witches, sorcerers, and supernatural creatures in this world anymore. As Angelus' words finally registered in his mind, he shuddered. Watching him for so long? Pretty? Those were not good signs.

Then Angelus, stroking Penn's hair, spoke again, "What's wrong, Penn? It's perfectly all right for you to look at the boys and young men around here, but they can't look back? That seems a little unfair, wouldn't you say?"

Penn flushed with shame and guilt, the mention of his most secret desire obliterating his earlier anger and distrust. He *had* been looking at the other young men, hoping that one of them might be that one perfect companion whom he craved. It seemed that Angelus had caught him doing it and was now punishing him, as he deserved to be. Eyes wide and begging, he looked up into Angelus' eyes. "Please, I'm sorry. I won't do it anymore. Would you please let me go?"

Angelus smiled again, coldly, cruelly, and Penn knew that he had no chance of surviving the night unscathed -- until he heard Angelus's next words: "Oh, of course I will."

Penn's eyes impossibly widened even more. "You will?"

"After you," Angelus cupped and raised Penn's chin, stroking Penn's lower lip with a cool thumb, "put that pretty mouth of yours to good use."

Penn frowned and blinked, not knowing what Angelus meant. Angelus slipped his hand further along to touch the base of Penn's neck and pushed Penn's face closer to Angelus's crotch. Penn tried struggling away, the pressure on his neck too great for him to move. "You, I, you, you can't, I can't--" But he *could*, and the very idea of it slammed a bolt of desire through his body.

"Is it truly that shocking or horrifying?" Angelus took a step closer, his gaze pointedly on the beginning bulge at Penn's groin. "Or is it so appealing that you don't even know where to start?"

Penn blushed a full scarlet and took a calming breath. "If I do that, are you going to let me go?"

Smiling, Angelus mutely nodded.

Penn slowly knelt up and, his hands shaking uncontrollably, opened Angelus's trousers. To Penn's shocked delight, Angelus was already hard. Angelus's organ sprang free of its constraints, proudly erect. Penn touched his quivering lips to the tip and licked softly. His mind noted the odd absence of scents without comment. How Angelus smelled was hardly Penn's most pressing concern. His tongue tasted the soft flesh and he noticed another peculiar fact. Angelus' skin had no flavor either. That could be because Angelus had recently took a bath, but in this weather? One would be mad to do so.

Opening his lips wider, Penn allowed Angelus' member deeper into his mouth and instinct took over his body. Keeping his lips wide open, he bobbed his head up and down along the column of flesh and sucked with a natural expertise he never knew he had. The absolute lack of movement from Angelus then registered in Penn's mind and he glanced up into Angelus' face. Angelus was still facing down toward Penn, but his eyes had closed and his eyebrows had knitted together. Penn's gaze locked onto the pink of Angelus's lips.

Then the impossible happened. Angelus' face turned grotesque: the brows grew prominent and slanted, the eyes yellow, and the bridge of the nose crinkled. In his shock, Penn's mouth slackened and he threw his head backwards. That was, he tried throwing his head backwards but the creature gripped his hair with both hands and held his head in place. The monster thrust carelessly into Penn's mouth and fear prevented Penn from resisting. Pressing his eyelids tightly together, Penn could only accept the assault with moans as protest.

The blunt tip of the creature's member hit the back of Penn's throat repeatedly and the urge to vomit rose quickly. Penn could only imagine how the monster would react if he vomited on it. His fear spinning a tight web around his mind and heart, he begged God for help. From some unknown depths of his mind, the knowledge made itself clear and the urge passed. He swallowed what length he could down his throat and cool spurts of liquid shot down his throat. The grip on his hair ceased and moved down to under his arms, which gave the creature leverage to pull Penn up into a standing position. His eyes still closed, Penn felt pressure on his lips and then slowly opened his eyes.

The monstrous face had disappeared and it was again the handsome stranger, fully dressed once more, who was kissing Penn so very gently. Did Penn only imagine the creature? And if he did, why? Confused, he stood motionless for a minute or two before opening his mouth fully. His tongue slowly reached out to touch Angelus' agile one and Angelus guided Penn's tongue further into the cool moistness. Penn ran his tongue across the sharp edges of Angelus' teeth and thrust it deeper in. Angelus twirled his tongue around the tip of Penn's and then pulled away after quickly licking Penn's lips. Penn blinked several times at Angelus, still longing for the contact.

Angelus nodded at Penn. "Well, you can go now."

Staring at his feet, Penn murmured, "But I don't want to go." Angelus was the answer to all his longing and wishes; and Penn was not going to let him slip away the way he had let Mr. Johnson slip away. He glanced back up into Angelus's face and was mesmerized by Angelus's bemused brown eyes.

Laughing, Angelus cupped Penn's face with his palm and stroked a thumb across Penn's still wet lower lip. "But the price for staying with me is high, young one."

Penn swallowed heavily. "I don't care. Whatever price you name, I'll pay it gladly." Angelus narrowed his eyes but laughed again. In the middle of the laugh, Angelus' face transformed into that of the monster's and Penn took an involuntary step backward. "You're, you're--"

The creature stopped laughing and simply looked Penn. "Yes, I'm a vampire, a mockery of all things good and in the light. You'll have to become one, too, if you want to stay with me." Then Angelus morphed back into his human mask, his expression serene.

His whole body trembling, Penn sank down onto the ground and saw Angelus doing the same. Penn opened his mouth, closed it, and opened  
it again, but no sound came out. Exhaling, he stood up and paced the room, although Angelus remained sitting on the ground. Penn thought about his father and the man's constant disapproval of him, thought  
about God and His promise of salvation. The pale stranger, bearing the title and form of a dark angel, might as well be the manifestation of that promise. Penn walked back, standing once again in front of Angelus, and nodded. The vampire rose back onto his feet and pressed in, his actions effortlessly graceful.

Tilting his head, Penn pulled down his collar to bare his neck, the ghost of a smile on his lips. A pact with the Devil this might be, but it was a damnation he would accept with a joyous heart. Angelus laughed, his cool breath caressing Penn's skin, and licked at some sensitive spot on Penn's throat. Penn's eyes closed and Penn himself shivered with both apprehension and delight. He hissed when Angelus' canines entered his neck. Pain slipped through the holes made by the sharp points of teeth and coursed through Penn's quickly weakening body. His blood vessels wound tighter and tighter still, threatening to collapse. Thirst spun its hold on his body, drying his throat, mouth, and lips.

The too-large teeth then left and a bleeding wrist was pressed against Penn's mouth. Without hesitation, he opened his mouth and drank, deeply and greedily, the blood quenching the stabbing thirst in his body. Darkness slowly invaded his consciousness and he dropped the wrist, dizzy enough that he almost fell onto the ground. Angelus caught him before he actually touched the ground and gently laid him down. His eyelids were so very heavy, it seemed. With the vampire's voice still in his ear, the words too muffled to make out, Penn closed his eyes and all thoughts were gone.

*****

Penn's mind clawed up toward consciousness like a drowning man struggling to the water surface and Penn woke with a start, inadvertently throwing off the blankets. Hunger gnawing his insides, he sat up in the narrow cot and slipped off the bed. His limbs were curiously light and his vision, despite the late hour, was clearer than it ever had been. And his sense of smell was stronger than ever.

Memories came rushing back and he smiled.

'Where is Angelus?' he wondered silently. His nose picking up a scent sweeter and more enticing than he had ever imagined, he followed his nose and strolled outside.

Leaning against the wall of the wooden shack, Angelus was looking up into the heavens. As Penn walked toward his sire, Angelus turned his head to face Penn. When Penn stopped in front of Angelus, Angelus pulled Penn in for a kiss. No, a kiss would have been too gentle a word for the passionate and possessive claim Angelus placed onto  
Penn's mouth. Penn, craving nourishment, bit Angelus's tongue and lapped up the few droplets of blood that appeared. Angelus broke  
away and his brown eyes glinted. "My poor, starving fledgling. I did promise that I'd let you go back home, didn't I?"

Discerning the meaning behind Angelus' words immediately, Penn laughed gleefully. "Yes, you did, it seems." He started a run immediately, leading the way. Angelus caught up quickly enough and wound an arm around Penn's waist. In minutes, they passed the town church and Penn noticed a familiar female figure in front of the door. He stopped and walked closer, seeing his youngest sister with vampire eyes for the first time. Angelus slipped something onto Penn's thumb, but Penn's attention was elsewhere. Still facing the door, the young woman shivered inside her shawl as her brother walked up behind her and tapped her shoulder.

She spun quickly around and looked up into his face with obvious surprise, which turned into joy once she recognized him. "Oh, you're alive! We were so worried about you." She threw herself into his arms. "We thought you--"

His hands on her upper arms, he wrenched her away from him like a ragged doll and slipped into his vampire face, hearing her scream and reveling in it. He allowed the kicking and screaming woman to struggle away from him and run down the street. He could have killed her at the church door, but he wanted to taste that smell of fear for much, much longer. Shaking his head, he sighed and watched her go. For her safety, she should have gone back to the church, but his sister had always been a moron. He ran after her, noting the almost soundless footsteps of Angelus behind him.

They quietly tracked her to the town square, where she slowed down, probably thinking that she was now out of danger. When Penn heard Angelus whisper, "Mark her cheek with a cross," he only nodded and kept his eyes on his sibling. After glancing around, his sister walked up to the door of Penn's former home and raised her hand. He followed her footsteps and, before her hand touched the door, spun her around in a caricature of an embrace. Apparently, her fear was so strong that she could not even scream. Her terror was almost palpable and its smell snaked into his nostrils.

Hunger attacked him in a more overwhelming wave, painful in its intensity. He stroked his right thumb across the slack mouth and broke the skin on her cheek in the shape of a cross. 'A mockery of God,' he realized and bent to drink with the same intensity and passion that he had fed on Angelus' wrist. The girl was quickly drained, her blood quenching his thirst completely. He glanced up as he heard Angelus's movements.

Angelus met his gaze, his eyes dancing with amusement. "There now. Isn't that better?"

Penn stood, the hot blood still warming him. "Better," he answered and dropped back into his human mask.

"First kill." Angelus walked close and leaned in, whispering in Penn's ear and reminding Penn of their earlier intimacy. "Aptly done."

Penn smiled at the compliment. "It's strange. She was my sister."

"And yet you feel nothing."

Penn could almost feel the hot gaze on him, a sizzling touch on his icy skin. "No," he analyzed his own conditions before meeting Angelus' eyes, "I feel hungry."

"You do learn very quickly."

His vampire sire's approving tone vividly reminded Penn of his human parent's not so approving one. Penn glanced down, his heart knotting in anger. "And my father would disagree."

"Ah, then perhaps it's time you share with him just what a fine student you've become."

His head turning sharply, Penn met and held Angelus's gaze. "My father, yes." Angelus breathed a sigh of amusement and Penn returned the smile. This time, it was considerably colder. "They'll all be sitting down to dinner now."

"A feast. Excellent." Angelus clasped an arm around his shoulder and Penn leaned back, savoring the touch. Angelus continued his words, "When they invite you in, savor it, Penn. You'll not recapture the moment. Family blood is always the sweetest."

Penn answered the words with only a grin and let Angelus walked them up to the door. Angelus knocked and then stepped aside.

The door opened and Penn oldest sister gasped. "Oh, Penn! We thought you were--" Her words stopped as she, no doubt, saw Angelus's standing beside Penn. "And this is?"

Penn pretended a shiver and wrapped his coat closer around himself. "Dear, it's cold. I'll explain everything after we have something warm inside us." Oh, yes, something warm indeed. "Please?"

"Oh, of course! I'm terribly sorry. Come on in." His sibling moved away to let them in. "Let's get you to the fire."

Penn flashed a smile and swept in, Angelus following closely behind. Slamming the door shut, Angelus quickly went for the girl leading them down the hallway, feeding on her then and there, as Penn strolled toward the dining room instead. His family *was* having dinner and their eyes widened as he sauntered in, Penn's father immediately standing up and slamming his fist onto the table, Penn's mother pulling on his sleeve in her meager attempts to pacify him. Penn laughed, shaking his head slightly, at the familiar and ultimately tedious scene. Taking pity on the doting but weak woman, he killed his mother with a quick snap of her neck, but feasted on his father luxuriously, the older man's pain, fear, and indignation whipping Penn's enjoyment to the maximum.

When he finally finished, he dropped his father's body onto the ground with simple contempt. Penn had thought he would have felt more satisfaction and triumph in killing this man who had tortured Penn throughout his entire life, but only Angelus consumed his mind now. Ah, yes, Angelus. Penn turned sharply around, focusing easily on the figure leaning against the fire place directly behind Penn. "If I hadn't offered to stay with you, would you still have turned me?" he asked, both his eyes and smile cold as his heart.

"Of course. I've watched and wanted you for--"

Penn cut Angelus off with a kiss, but pulled back after a second or two. "Liar. You'd have killed me."

Angelus narrowed his eyes, his gaze sliding hungrily on Penn's figure. "Oh, no. You, my dear boy, I definitely would have turned. I've watched you far too long to kill you so quickly."

Penn walked further into the house and up to his own room, a smile on his lips. He picked up the copy of the Bible his former teacher had given him long ago and went back downstairs. After standing in front of the still blazing fireplace for minutes, he threw the book in and, Angelus' arm on his shoulder, watched it burn to ashes.

Someone wanted him, fully and completely as himself. That was enough.

/~~fin~~/


End file.
